מַרְפֵּא | Healing | Word of the Year - 2018

I believe my word this year is 

| Healing |,

which is right on Abba's time. 

Beloved Husband took me to the ER this morning, and they discovered a pulmonary embolism in the lower lobe of my left lung!

I *KNOW* that haSatan (Satan/adversary) is making attacks

on the body of Messiah!!

Days before Thanksgiving, I gave my health over to Adonai/the Lord, and He gave me this verse from Habakkuk 3:19 "God, the Lord, is my strength, And He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, And He maketh me to walk upon my high places." Abba gave me the word that He would make me strong in His strength to finally become healthy. <3Thanksgiving day, I was walking backwards and hit the back of my left ankle on the bottom of a chair. Long story short, my Achilles' wasn't ruptured, but I had a big deep bone bruise in my ankle, so I've been in a boot and on crutches since. For 3 weeks, the healing was going beautifully, and right after that, I started experiencing elevated pain, more swelling, etc. It seemed to be regressing. 



About 10 days ago, I began having heart palpitations, and tightness in my chest, and lightheaded. Two days ago I was having symptoms that felt like a heart attack or something. This morning my Beloved said, "I need you to get up, my love. I'm taking you to get looked at." And there it was, a healthy heart, but a blood clot in my lung. Guess what? That's kinda scary! So now I'm on a blood thinner, and some pain meds.

So back to Habakkuk. The hinds' feet. First, my Achilles' area was injured, and we know that the Achilles' heel is I believe the strongest tendon in the body; take that out, and a person will fall. But I refused to fall for it. So then today's findings have kind of really got my attention. I'm believing that Abba wants | *HIS* Healing | for us. He wants us to be strong warriors, heeding His voice, doing His will. So I know that's a lot, just to answer what my word for 2018 is, but y'all hopefully remember that I am long-winded, and hopefully still love me. 





Marpe is how this word is pronounced, and here's a link with a wonderful description. מַרְפֵּא

מַרְפֵּא | Healing |

So that's all for now.  Maybe I'll get some more in tomorrow.  

Shalom!

Psalm 23 - My Shepherd

Rejoice, Pray, Give Thanks

As I sent out an email just now, I looked at the bottom of my typing space, where the signature for my emails is. What a reminder to me, as I go through this tough time.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of YHVH in Yeshua HaMashiach for you."

This verse is comforting to me, because it keeps my eyes and my focus on my Savior, and on my King, rather than my sorrow, my grief, and my pain. I have been struggling with a little Peter-itis... Trying to walk in faith on water, but without my faith in the One who can keep me afloat, I could begin to sink into the murky depths.

We may never find out the circumstances of Beth Rose's death, but it won't change my love for her, nor my love for my Elohim/God, YHVH. It may sadden me more than I have experienced this week, since learning of her death, but He is still greater than my pain.

This last week has been a DOOZY. One week ago today, my bestest friend Beth died. I was told by her sister 6 days ago. As of today, we don't have the answers we are looking for/hoping for. There are lots of surmisings, lots of what I am calling conspira-thizing (conspiracy-theorizing), but no definite answers. And even if we get answers, will it make her death easier to bear? Probably not. I have spent the majority of this last week in a bubble/fog/protective cocoon, if you will. My Elohim YHVH has been protecting my heart against this great loss.  

When Beth's sister told me on the phone, I began to cry, and I told her, "I'm so sorry! I should be comforting you, but right now I just can't!" And I cried. I reacted honestly, instead of my usual of trying to keep it together, and be calm, and trying to be strong for everyone else. It was a sucker punch to my heart. It still is.  

Beth and I met in 7th grade, which is over 25 years ago. We became fast and close friends, and in no time became sisters. Not 'like' sisters, but sisters; we shared everything. We had an inexplicable bond. As teenagers, we were inseparable, and people would call us "The Beths", or the dynamic duo. If you saw one of us, you saw the other. We would hang out at school, and then get home and on the phone until one of us had to hang up. We would coordinate our outfit colors for the next day, and at times 'pretend' it was accidental, lol, but often it would happen without coordination. We finished each others sentences, shared dreams, silly memories, sadness, etc. Sounds like a teenaged friendship, right? But there was so much more! She had an electrifying personality, and even if we were up to no good, she brought out the best in me, and she said I did the same for her. She called me beautiful, and told me I looked like a porcelain doll. I would tell her she was nuts, and that *she* was the beautiful one. I used to wonder why in the world, out of all the people, why she chose *me* to be her best friend. And she would say the same thing to me. We both knew how blessed we were in our friendship.

As we grew up and had our own families to care for, we weren't in constant contact as we would have liked, even falling out of touch from time to time (seems like I was always moving), but when we would catch up, it was like no time had passed. Her spirit was always uplifting, and she got joy out of loving others, and lifting them up. She seemed to face life's trials head on, and tried to find a positive spin, and would laugh at times/things that I would have had a fit over. Our emails and texts and phone calls always began with, "Hey Beth, it's Beth!" She called me her dearest friend, her bestest friend. Even as adults, we had so many different bonds, and would find out that we had been going through similar health issues, and things like that.

She loved her husband, and her kids. She loved God and found joy in doing His work. She loved her family and friends fiercely, and was always protective of all of us. She put her heart and soul into caring for her family. This is the part where it's hard to keep typing. Everyone who knew her knew that she lived for God and her family. And not knowing what happened is really hard to deal with, again recognizing that even if we get answers, it might not make it any easier to deal with. One thing's for certain, I will always love Beth Rose (my family always called her Beth Rose so we'd know which one of us they were addressing), and her family, no matter what.

So this last week I've been in this bubble/fog, I don't know what to call it, except the protection of YHVH/God. I began to examine His Word, and even in my tears, declare His greatness. Some good friends, my husband, and the Word of YHVH advised me to stop looking at what happened, but look to the Rock of my salvation. To make certain that my feet are established on His truth, rooted in Him, so that even in this time of great sadness, pain, and loss, I won't lose sight of Him. A close sister gave me this advice, and I pass it on to you, too.  

"I know you're probably getting all kinds of advice.  But all you can do is be thankful for the time you had with her and feel the sadness and grieve.  You can't explain it,  you won't figure anything out,  that's Yah's job.  Just mourn your loss.  Lift those children and her husband up in prayer. That is so devastating.  Nobody truly knows what was going on in her mind and never will.  Trying to figure it out is a distraction from going through the grieving process and having healing for yourself."

My husband spoke some beautiful words of encouragement to me, reminding me of our foundation (the Rock, not the sand), and of pillars of support. Of how, in a building, there are support beams that are designed to help carry the weight. I cannot share exactly what he spoke into me, but please know that it was beautiful, and a timely encouragement, as well as a confirmation for what Abba had been speaking to me. I share that with you, also.

My neighbor/friend suggested that maybe I am supposed to help by blanketing all who are involved in this loss in prayer, which is a confirmation to me.

I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my loved ones, and especially for YHVH my Elohim/God, and for my Messiah Yeshua/Jesus. I rejoice in His goodness, and am praying for all who are affected by loss, and I give thanks. And for today, it's more than enough to be able to rejoice, pray, and give thanks.

(I might add more later, but no guarantees)

Psalm 34 ~ Taste and see that YHVH is good!

"Oh taste and see that YHVH/the LORD is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Oh fear the LORD, you his holy ones, For there is no lack with those who fear him." vs. 8-9

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But YHVH/the LORD delivers him out of them all." vs. 19

I was up early this morning because after He spoke this Psalm to me, I couldn't remain in bed until I had read it and meditated on it. My husband asked me what it meant to me, and I said, "YHVH is good. We need to look for YHVH's provision, even if it's not what we expect to see."  

The scriptures don't tell us that living for Him will be easy, but they do tell us that He is good. He doesn't say we won't face adversity, but that He is good, and He will provide for us. I want to look for His provisions knowing that He will provide, and that it might not (probably won't!) be in the manner I expect. So why expect a certain outcome? If we believe that YHVH/God is Sovereign Supreme, why not let Him provide in the manner that He sees fit?

Shalom, shalom.

How an iPod can fracture a toe...

July 15, 2014


Five days ago, on Thursday, I was going about my business, cleaning up the living room while my sons were still asleep.  I picked up the short stack of papers that was their math assessments, noting that our old school iPod (first generation, man) was sitting on top.  I held the stack with both hands, up until I reached to pick something up, when I let go with one hand.  That's when it happened.  The iPod fell down and hit my left big toe!  That'll teach ME to clean up!  (Just kidding.  Kind of.)

So anyways, I've been walking around on it, icing it, elevating it, etc., for 5 days.  Finally, tonight I asked Yah (for those of you who are new here, that's short for YHWH - Yod Hey Waw Hey - or Elohim) what I should do.  I was kind of figuring that it was fractured.  I went to have it X-rayed, and lo and behold... it's fractured.

I'm sure all of the ER folks were just as surprised as me.  The Dr. said, "You most likely have a contusion, or a bruise.  If that's the case, you can just take some over the counter meds and you'll start to feel better soon.  We'll just take some X-rays just in case.  Sound good?"

I felt like they were all walking past my room to catch a glimpse of this silly lady who came in for a bruised toe from an iPod crashing down.  Until, in an almost mad rush, four medical professionals came streaming into the room, one at a time.  One carried medical tape, another had 2 rigid sole shoes, one was the Dr., and the other one just wanted to see for himself.  I'll be honest, I was surprised, but felt somewhat vindicated because I just KNEW something wasn't right.  (Official discharge papers say 'CLOSED FRACTURE OF GREAT TOE OF LEFT FOOT')  The Dr. mentioned a chip fracture, which I thought was interesting because I had told my husband that it felt like it was chipped.

So one hour later, sporting that rigid sole shoe, some tape on my toes and a hefty bill... I was out the door and on my way home.  In the days leading up to this visit, I had spent some time researching my symptoms, and one of the most common things I'd read about foot injuries is that 'just because you can walk on it doesn't mean it's not broken.'  Tonight, I helped prove that to be true.  Here are some of the signs and symptoms that I experienced (am still experiencing) that led me to the X-ray machine tonight:

1. an old school iPod (read: VERY heavy) fell on my left foot near the big toe, resulting in:
2. immediate, severe pain that actually brought tears to my eyes, but did not make me cry;
3. barely-there bruising underneath the skin, about 2 inches long;
4. some swelling in the first few days, but nothing to write home about;
5. lingering, kind of gnawing pain in my poor big toe while at rest;
6. worse pain than that when I walked around, but I found a way around it by walking on the outside of my foot (don't do this at home; it puts the rest of you out of alignment... read: you'll have to pop your back a few times if you do this);
7. all of this lasted, like I said, about 5 days.

There was never a time that I couldn't walk, although there were many where I'd rather not have walked.  I spent those days trying to stay off of it, keeping it elevated, iced, etc.  I just can't wait until I get my Deep Blue by doTerra to help with that inner bone pain issue.  I'm thankful to Abba Yah that it's been diagnosed so that I can now rest it and allow it to heal, as He has designed our bodies to do.

"YHWH my Elohim, I have cried to You, and You have healed me."  Tehillim (Psalm) 30:2
²