GROWING THROUGH PRAYER (A 'LOVING GOD GREATLY' BIBLE STUDY)
February 17,
2016
Week 6 ~ Day 3
Read: Isaiah 41:10 & Psalm 34:18
SOAP: Psalm 34:18
S:
O&A:
Spirit: רוּחַ ruwach – as the
seat of the senses, affections, and emotions of various kinds; quiet lowly mind
Abba
brings aid to those who have a sad heart, and delivers/gives victory to those
who are broken in spirit/whose spirit (seat of the senses, affections, and
emotions of various kinds) is cast down/who are of a quiet lowly mind.
When we
are down in spirit, Abba wants to/can/will give us aid! This speaks volumes to me, because when I
(personally) am down in spirit, it is when I am less likely to reach out for
help. I’ll cry out to Abba (still
working on that one – Persistent in Prayer… Persistent in Prayer…), but I
rarely reach out to friends and most family to let them know, or to ask for
prayer. I don’t want to be a burden. Sometimes I am trying to consider other
people whose prayer needs seem so much more necessary than mine. (Who am I to decide these things?!?) But I do know that when I turn to Abba, He
encourages me, and He loves me despite what I view as my downfalls.
When my
middle son died of SIDS at 6 months old, so did a part of me. I was broken, beyond fixing (of my own
ability). I wasn’t walking with God at
that time in my life. I believed in Him,
that He existed, that Yeshua is his Son… but I didn’t know him like I do
now. I didn’t believe in him like I do
now. I shamelessly cried out to Him,
over and over again, “Why, God, why?!?”
I got angry with Him! “Why, God??!!??” I contemplated choosing to not live
anymore. I asked Him what the point
was! I asked Him why He would give me
life, to allow this kind of pain to enter in.
I felt that I couldn’t handle it (‘it’ meaning life). In the depth of my despair – picture it: I
was driving to my friend’s house, smoking a cigarette. Thoughts coming into my head about choosing
to no longer live. ‘What if I just took
this knife…?’ ‘What if I just drove off
the road and into that ditch..?’ And He
spoke to me. He flashed an image of my
older son into my mind – he was only 11 months older than his baby brother, so
at the time he was 17 months old. And
Abba spoke to me, “Would you have him believe that he wasn’t loved
enough?” “Loved enough? For what?” I asked. “For you to stick around.” And I had an immediate change of mind and
heart. I knew that even though it hurt,
I wouldn’t die from the heartache. Until
the next time that it felt like my heart would explode from pain. That still happens, 14 years later. (You don’t get over grief… you go through it
for the rest of your life.) (Also, this is my personal telling, and I believe it
is different for anyone who contemplates suicide, who survives suicide
attempts, and for those who have loved ones who died of suicide.)
Abba
brought aid to me in those times of great sorrow, when I called out, and cried
out to him. Sadly, it doesn’t turn out
the same way for every person, every time.
The fact is, that wasn’t the first time those thoughts came creeping
in. Twice before, I tried to take my
life. Once in 8th grade, and
once when I was 20 years old.
Retrospectively, the reason it crossed my mind when my son died seemed
more serious than the other times, but I refuse to downplay any reason that a
person might consider it. I had a friend
in high school who up and ran away one day, no warning signs. We lost contact after that (she went to go
live with her mom much further away in another state, and this was before email
and Google). A few years ago, she was on
my heart, and the Spirit told me to find out about her. I Googled her, which I had done before, but
never could locate her, and this time I did.
It was her obituary, and it turns out that she had battled with
depression and suicidal thoughts, and that was how her life came to an
end. It saddens me. People who knew her well said that she loved
God, and her children. I don’t know what
brought her to that point, but I now pray for her son and daughter, her
parents, grandparents, and friends.
My hearts
cry is that anyone, if they get to that point, would call out to God/YHVH, Him
who created them. I asked Him, both
times, “God, if you have ANY purpose for my life.. if there’s ANY reason that
I’m here, don’t let this work.” (I was
afraid that it would work, but I couldn’t see any other way to
escape!) I didn’t understand it for a
long time after that, but He did have a purpose for me then, and He does have a
purpose for me now. He created each of
us with a purpose of His own design, and unfortunately, life gets in the middle
and things sometimes get all mucked up. I
still experience sadness, I still experience grief, I still FEEL. I sometimes still feel overwhelmed by these
strong emotions! This past year, as we
approached the 14th anniversary of our son’s death (we’ve called it
his angel-versary since the first year), I was in such physical and emotional
pain that I was having difficulty breathing!
I thought once again that my heart would rupture within my body! Those thoughts tried to come in, telling me
how to escape the torture device called grief, specifically the version that
comes to those who have lost a child.
The Bible tells us to take those thoughts captive!!!
“For though we walk in the flesh, we
don't wage war according to the flesh; for the weapons of our warfare are not
of the flesh, but mighty before God to the throwing down of strongholds,
throwing down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the
knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of
Messiah; and being in readiness to avenge all disobedience, when your obedience
will be made full. Do you look at things only as they appear in front of your
face? If anyone trusts in himself that he is Messiah's, let him consider this
again with himself, that, even as he is Messiah's, so also we are Messiah's.”
“Or don't you know that your body is
a temple of the Ruach HaKodesh/Holy Spirit which is in you, which you have from
God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify
God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.”
This, THIS, THIS
is the assurance we have in Messiah. We
were bought with a price, which is His death in place of ours. We were bought by the sacrifice of our Father
of His one and only begotten Son, Yeshua the Messiah, Jesus the Christ. Our salvation has been paid for, but will we
receive it? Will you receive it? Will you lay aside the pain you are in, the
anger that boils inside you, the fear that holds you back, the worries, the
hurts, the troubles, the despairs… Will you release that baggage and enter into
the peace and love of Messiah? My heart
and my spirit and my eyes are crying out for you. I am pouring out His words and His Spirit
that is within me to share these personal testimonies. Don’t trust in those thoughts and words that
try to come creeping in to cause you harm.
Trust in His word which is the Bible, and in His Word, which is His Son,
Yeshua/Jesus. Be delivered from these
troubles! His Hebrew name is Yahushua,
often spoken as Yeshua, and literally means ‘salvation’. The word ‘saves’ is yasha’ in Hebrew, and
also means savior. Will you choose
Yeshua/Jesus to be your savior?
P:
Abba, I lift up
those who are hurting to You, so that they will be comforted, and healed. Speak life into them, Abba! I pray that You would let them know that
their lives have purpose, if that is what they doubt! I pray that You would let them know that there
is healing, both physical and spiritual, if that is what they ask! I pray that You would tell them that there is
no pain that is greater than the King of the Universe, and that if they will
give it to You, if they will take those thoughts captive and give them to You,
they can have hope! Abba, guard our
hearts when we are too weak in spirit to do so ourselves, and take captive our
thoughts when we don’t know which thoughts to listen to. If I could just blanket the world in Your
word, I would, so that all would know Your love, Your peace, Your kindness, and
all would know Your voice, and wouldn’t listen to the voice of any other mighty
one. But alas, I am unable. So I lift up these tears to You, Father, the
tears of the broken in spirit, the tears of the sad and afflicted hearts, and I
ask You to come to their aid. I ask that
You would speak Your heart into them, exactly what is needed to each
individual, and my prayer is that through Your ministering, they would come to
know You, and love You.
In Yeshua’s name,
Amein.
If you are contemplating either taking your life, or giving your life to God/YHVH, please let someone know. You can email me, you can message me on FB, reach out to a believer, or reach out to one of these places. Don't be silent.
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